Clinic Chronicles Gifts

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Being Serenading in Casualty

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

'Be careful, Doctor Trefz, she doesn't like men!'

"Do you have someone to drive you home after your surgery? My car's in the shop and I could really use a ride."

Fat Reduction Clinic.

'We want to have him fixed, Doctor!'

'I demand a second opinion!'

"Your wife says she's experiencing nausea. Could you leave the room?"

'Nurse, that isn't a catheter you've just inserted. It's the other end of my hosepipe!'

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'

"He's one tough cookie. I've never seen anyone bounce back from an autopsy before."

'What possessed you to stick a fork into the toaster?' 'It's easy to be wise after the event!'

Very tired doctor falls asleep on patient.

Nurse at RedFox fertility Clinic is about to touch a computer when it says: Don't Touch Me - I Have a Headache!

"First the good news - I found my Rolex from your last operation."

"How are you since you swallowed that £2 coin?. . .Has there been any change?"

"… And then he goes around town whining about how much I charged him. What ever happened to 'doctor-patient confidentiality'?''

'You should consult my Doctor. You'll never live to regret it.'

Sperm Bank, the bank that likes to say yes... yes!... YES!

GPs urged to take part in a major GP workload survey

'We don't have a treadmill, so the stress test here is waiting two hours to see a doctor.'

"It's my opinion that you suffer from a hyperactive disorder. And when you're done writing that down, I'd like my chart back."

'Doctor Fenwick is busy with a patient. May I take a message, please?'

'Doctor used to have a lot of back trouble...

Dissatisfaction with health system

'I have the treatment all figured out. It's the diagnosis that stumps me.'

Nose Bleed Clinic