Therapy Session Storyteller Gifts

Obvious problem.

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Let's try some word disassociation

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

'I wouldn't worry about a poor sense of direction...'

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

"You're putting up too many walls Hadrian."

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

"Your wife is here to shed some light on your version of the story."

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

"I have a recurring dream that I have a recurring dream, but I can't remember what it is!"