Clean Eater Gifts

A panda waiting for bamboo juice

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

An apple a day!

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.

All Natural Nothing

"Never buy spaghetti sauce if the first ingredient is Red Dye No. 2. "

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'Excuse me - are you organic?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'We've only got a couple of days to finish this box of cereal. Mom'll never let us eat something called energy-packed after school's out.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'