Eco-friendly Eater Gifts

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Humpty Dumpty replaced by egg substitute.

"All our donuts are hand fried in what will eventually become biofuel."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

The early days of tofurkey.

'I just love eating organic food.'

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

The only problem with your current diet is really deforestation, and I'm afraid I'm unable to help...

The Shoulder of Quorn

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

"Nope, still can't afford to buy it."

"So much for going vegan."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Is the MSG local?"

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

Civilized Salmon

"You had me at alternative milk."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

Recycling bottle bank.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Stuffing the turkey.

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'