Claw Comedian Pillows

"Trimmed, but not so much that I can't claw up the furniture."

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Cat Reunion

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"I hate it..."

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

"That explains all the cavities."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"C'mon! C'mon! Almost there..."

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"Go deep!"

Early House Hunting.

Edith does ceramics strictly for her own amusement.

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

"The human is back - act normal."

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

"Okay, okay - next time I'll spring the trap and you grab the cheese."

"Did you just tweet?"

"I can't wait to see the look on their faces."

"Can I barrow your pen?"

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

"Then it's agreed. We'll sleep on it."