Classroom Detective Gifts

"I don't think your parent would sign this excuse, 'Timmy's Mom'."

"Please, Ms. Sweeney, may I ask where you're going with all this?"

"I realize Kyle was looking at your answers, but that doesn't mean you can sue him for theft of intellectual property."

A boy acting suspiciously

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

'I need affordable daycare now!'

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

'I think Benjamin like me. He linked my homepage to his homepage.'

Manual Labor.

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

'You can't keep a middle school girl from wanting to impress boys, Valerie.'

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

Back to School

"We need to talk about procrastination."

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

"So...what did you learn in school today, Baldo?"

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

Final Exams Today

"My teaching skills have improved because their dogs are eating less homework."

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

'You always go that extra mile, don't you Molly.'

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

I wasn't cheating...I was getting a second opinion.

'Miss Soule, I'm curious. How many numbers were there when you were my age?'

Do I get extra credit for neatness?

'Essentially Wilkins proves things and Brenner disproves them.'

"It wasn't me jumping up and down and yelling in class. It was the sugar talking."

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.