Classroom Curator Gifts

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Paul Klee

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Misunderstood artist

It's a call from Tate modern.

'Projectile painting.'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Frederic Auguste Bartholdi

Convenience.

The Rise of Modern Art

You had me at vintage.

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

Board Game Hunter

"The new house is almost ready!"

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

Three street vendors sit side by side selling their art; two of the vendors are selling normal paintings while the third is a Neanderthal selling cave paintings.

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"That must be the artist over there."