Classics Skimmer Gifts

'I did a speed reading course yesterday.' - 'It's incredible! I read Moby Dick in 27 minutes this morning!' - 'It's about a whale or something.'

Computer games

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

Selfie

"That's weird. The app says to look for a Nissan Sentra."

'To be honest, that's all most people read.'

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

Greek goddess

'Care of your new hammock. Let's face it, whatever we write here, you're not going to bother.'

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

'Lion!'

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

Athena

'We don't know HOW to surf - Can't you part the sea or something?'

"We just want a vacation --- we don't want to learn anything."

'IV!'

"I studied ancient history while I was out sick. I read the magazines in my doctor's office."

Thomas Hood.

Roman Condom Machine

Bert and Edna Bentley - At it since 1943.

'Right Sir, here we go...'

'Mary tells me you own a motorcycle.'

"Doctor, don't you have a conflict of interest by owning a ski resort?"

Philip Larkin.

'I'm in good shape . . . I fitness swim up a waterfall!'

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

'Great job pointing him out, Scout...Now what?'

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

"Hi! I'm at the windmill."

An offended street-sweeper

'Cesar loves to conker.'