Classical Charm Gifts

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Happy Valentine's Day.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Colonial Larrysburg.

"Call Harris back from retirement and ask him how we did things around here before computers."

Jack in the Box

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

'Have you put her on the strict diet I prescribed?'

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

Person Reading For Pleasure

A rake jumps from a window onto a horse

"My mating dances were unsuccessful, so I tried reciting poetry: didn't work either..."

Let me stand behind that one and you take my picture.

Lockdown had left Nigel desperate for a haircut.

"Warm and rich, fresh and bright, with depth and intensity. Not the wine, you."

Women rush to man with 'I heart emotions' t-shirt.

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

"Hey, I don't see Harry Truman's name on the ballot!"

"It takes years before some people are comfortable enough to say hello."

Bending beneath the weight of his burden, he lay it upon the moss (Atala).

"Take this, Luke. They say it's impossible to get a decent baguette west of the Pecos."

'Do you have anything that smells like wedding bells?'

'Sure been busy! Good thing it's the slow time of year!'

Adult filmstrips

Spring Cleaning

General Store Modernises

An Irishman unfamiliar with how a telephone works

"So close to the house! And with a half moon! Living the dream!"

"It's not outdated - it's retro."

Sex and the Old City

"With a name like Barney Stone, I do real well with the ladies on Valentine's day."

"Carmen, how are you today? Wait! Don't tell me! You're as wonderful and as beautiful and charming as ever!"

'I see more of those compacts every day.'

Chimney Sweep

'Suddenly, Ken regretted eating the ploughman's lunch.'