Classic Dad Humorist Pillows

"Turning potential energy into kinetic energy via Br. Bruno's theory of a swinging shod foot in motion."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Camel rider sees sign stating: The Next Mirage 16 miles.

Next to Nothing

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Note Book

Official Team Cap With Beard

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"It's a dependent!"

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

'He looks exactly like his father!'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Have you seen my wife?"

Child on a schedule.

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"