Classic Chef Gifts

"How do you get cookery programmes on this?"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

Little chef.

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Old Spice

Tzatzikicicle

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

"The wings are addictive."

Cooking With Pollock.

Scales

An intergalactic oat bran cluster, about to significantly lower Earth's average cholesterol level.

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

Spatula Conductor

"So...that's B11, C8, F5, and A3?"

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

Sandwich snob.

"Sauted lard, please."

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

'Blimey, how old is this stilton?' 'Let;s put it this way...it used to be cheddar.'

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

Artist and chiken

End of the day bargains at the cheese counter.

"First, break the egg...."

'I don't know what we were thinking, baking inside a tree...'

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'Hoping to help me with dinner, are you?'

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

'Thanks, I found the cheesecloth. Can you recommend a nice wine to serve with it?'

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'