Gourmet Chef Gifts

"Do you want a clean one?"

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'I'm a situational vegan. If someone else is paying it's an eight ounce kobi steak for me.'

'Blimey, how old is this stilton?' 'Let;s put it this way...it used to be cheddar.'

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"Jean-Pierre, homemade caviar for table six, please!"

"Examine the bottle? Sniff the cork? At these prices why am I doing all the work?"

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

Sandwich snob.

'Thanks, I found the cheesecloth. Can you recommend a nice wine to serve with it?'

'If her dog likes the leftovers, we'll get a good review.'

'Dry enough for you, M'sieur?'

Tramp at gourmet counter

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

"Sauted lard, please."

End of the day bargains at the cheese counter.

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

"This isn't just any old food wine. This is the foodies' food wine."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Cookbooks