Class-conscious Diner Gifts

For Your Dining Pleasure

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"For drinks or dinner?"

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

Man eating his meal with his feet.

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

I recommend the ketchup.

Price and serving size: A guide.

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'It would never work out, Harry -- I'm wine and cheese, and you're beer and pretzels.'

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

"Two steaks, cruelly raised and brutally slaughtered. Enjoy!"

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

'Does this restaurant allow substitutions?'

Specials Board

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

"Can I pay you after I get my tax refund?"

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

'Is Sir quite sure he wouldn't prefer a glass?'

"I'll start with the arugula-and-goat-cheese salad, and then I'll have the blackened wolf."

'Perhaps, Monsieur would perfer a different vintage?'

'For some reason- no one knows why - it got a reputation as a power hot dog.'

"Hmmmmm -- Choices, choices..."

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

"We're having chicken Cuca for dinner tonight!"