Citizenship Ponderers Gifts

'If you're born here, you're automatically an American citizen, right?'

The Jeopardy of Progress

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Ten Commandments

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

Young ladies ponder the relationship of a man with a young boy

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"Cheer up, grod, these are the good old days."

Buck Naked

"Great, now we're lost."

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"My parents taught me stuff until I was six, and then they outsourced me to Central Elementary."

Insomnia.

"The arc of the moral universe."

'Ah ah! That's what I thought! The DNA tests prove that he is in fact a Cuckoo chick...'

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

Plastic Brits: 'Apprehend that fleetfooted alien and naturalise him for Team GB!'

Ask me about Naming Rights.

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

How do bright women get pregnant?

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'

"When I was growing up, my parents only ever gave me two choices for everything I did: The carrot or the stick..."

"Hey, this says 'Made in Japan.'"