Citation Master Gifts

'No Jimmy! You can't cite Wikipedia as the main source for your assignment!'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

"And to Gloria Beal, the award for most google and bing citations..."

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Evolution Exam Results.

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

Quiz for dogs.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Good Luck!

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

"How'd I do on the test?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'What was Marx's theory of the origin of capital?'

"The official measure of an inch is three iPhones stacked on top of each other."

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

Run in the Family

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

'I think we need a good Project Manager to coordinate our efforts...'

To Be. Not To Be. All Of The Above. None Of The Above.

"I've devised a new paternity test, or as I call it, a pop quiz."

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

"Smart Arse"

"I wish I'd failed my 11 Plus too...."