Circumstance Commentator Gifts

Statue of Christopher Columbus

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

National Living Wage from April 1st.

War 2023

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Why Superman flies himself

"Neversource"

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"With great power comes great reward."

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"Can you hear me now?"

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

NHS Stabbing Ward

Self Checkout

"Great news, things are looking up in Iraq!"

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"First the artillery softens them up. Then the armored division moves in, followed by the infantry. And remember: we're dealing with hardened asylum seekers."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"I know I say it in every episode, Carson, but the world is changing and we have to change with it."

"I hate when this happens."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

'I'm sorry, but we're letting all of you go. Your jobs have been outsourced to India.'

"But is it art?"