Circumstance Commentator Pillows

Statue of Christopher Columbus

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

Why Superman flies himself

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

War 2023

"Neversource"

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

"With great power comes great reward."

"Can you hear me now?"

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

NHS Stabbing Ward

Self Checkout

"Great news, things are looking up in Iraq!"

"First the artillery softens them up. Then the armored division moves in, followed by the infantry. And remember: we're dealing with hardened asylum seekers."

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"I know I say it in every episode, Carson, but the world is changing and we have to change with it."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

"But is it art?"

"I hate when this happens."

'I'm sorry, but we're letting all of you go. Your jobs have been outsourced to India.'

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

80 years ago. Food comes farms. 40 years ago. Market. Kids today don't understand. They think food comes from the supermarket. They don't realize it comes from farms. Present day. Kids today don't understand. They think food just shows up in boxes at the door. They don't realize those boxes come from stores.

Too Stupid Not to Fail