Cinematographer T-Shirts

Jim and Betty Noir could turn a simple trip to the post office into gripping melodrama.

'I know you're watching the budget, but this isn't really doing justice to the battle of Waterloo.'

A 1920's film director with hand-cranked camera and megaphone.

Tenafly International Film Festival

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

"Look, I love the city, too, but wouldn't it be cheaper to shoot this in Canada?"

'Cut!' (movie studio director)

"That was a good adaptation."

Sloth Studios - "Lights! camera! inaction!"

Hollywood - the early years

Canadian film production

Federico Fellini.

An old-fashioned camera operator cranking a movie camera

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

The Horror Film Director.

'Imagine what Hollywood special-effects people could do with this scene!'

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: All in a Day's Work

"Look! I see an abbreviated version of Disney's Bambi."

Best Special Effects Award

Auguste and Louis Lumiere

Cinema: Now Playing - Based on the selfie that went viral.

"Are you sure this is a Film Noir"

"Mr. Goldwyn on the wire, Mr. Morris."

"O.K. 'The Giant Baby from Space,' Take 1."

"But what's my motivation?"

Cut!

"Ronny, there's not going to be any 3-D. The studio wants you to shoot it on your cell phone."

"I understand the special effects on this one are pretty realistic!"

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."