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Quentin Tarantino

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Cut!

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

"Bloody hell!"

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

Canadian film production

'It was great. I hated it.'

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

No, this is the red lagoon, the black one is down the road a bit.

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."