Cinema Projectionist Gifts

Mona Lisa Letter Box Edition.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

Herman Mankiewicz

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

Horror movies

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Cut!

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

'There's nothing on.'

"Bloody hell!"

"Hugh fans!"

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

What's an Imax cave?

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Applause

"Housekeeping?!"