Cigar Sampler Gifts

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

Sir Winston Churchill

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

Sinking Sand

'He's just come back from another management training course.'

Last night I went over to Lance's house, and he was leaning back in his recliner, drinking a beer, eating a pizza and smoking a cigar. I said, "Tsk! Tsk!" He asked if that was for the recliner, the beer the pizza or the cigar. I explained that I'm quite adept at multi-tsking.

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"This is Norman's little bureau of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms."

Devil Smokes Cigar

"With the return of cigars and martinis could war have been far behind?"

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

Man's dentures hold cigar.

"When I left Princeton, I spent a summer briefcasing in Europe."

'I'm part of a double-blind study to see how weight loss supplements help people lose weight. I'm guessing I received the sugar pill placebos.'

Smoking in office cubicles.

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

Fidel Castro as a lifeguard.

'...And maybe they know something about passive smoking you don't.'

U.S. Department of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms

No smoking, except celebratory cigars.

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

Winston Churchill.

"My wife wants a perfume that'll make her irresistable. What have you got that smells like bourbon and cigars?"

"Hey, Pal, … I paid good money for these pollution credits."

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"The doctor needs a spice sample."

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"