Chutney Creator Gifts

'The snake swears by it for a great chutney.'

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

Vivienne Westwood

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Heloise's Helpful Hints for Homebound

Building a gingerbread house

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"And I suppose cleaning up after yourself just once would in some way stifle your precious creativity."

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"But I ordered death by chocolate."

"Don't forget, on the stroke of midnight your clothes will lose their designer labels."

"I think the dog want's to stay in tonight, Jennifer!"

"Barry can hack anything...including out lunch."

Chapeaux!

Famous Side Dish Trials. The Cabbage Case. Now, tell the jury what happened after the chef pulled out his knife …. (Sob) It was a SLAWter!

"Sufferin' sagebrush, Cookie! You call this pasta 'Al Dente?!"

Wallpaper over a door.

"Give it to me straight doc, am I cured?"

"It's true escargot will add calories to the meal, but very slowly."

The Poet and Jingle Laureates' Office.

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'I don't think he's taking this fight seriously enough.'

Chestnut crafts

'Hello,'Professionally Written Protest Chants'! What do you want?' 'Something short and catchy.' 'When do you want it?' 'NOW!'

"It's too late to call them now—they'll be sound asleep. They live in Connecticut!"

"Kleinzweck is our resident punk physicist."

'Golf was too frustrating, so Ed took up painting!'

"A clean desk is the Devil's workshop, that's my motto."

Chutney

"Salamelier"

'Our food has the top Michelin rating.' 'The food or the tyre?'

'Watch with Whoever.'

"I'll beat 'em up, then Louie, here, will do the real damage. But we ain't cheap."

Cat on Computer Keyboard

'The flavour of this is great so far - pass the pickled onions and rasberry jam.'