Culinary Cutie Gifts

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

Soup of the month.

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

Garden.

"I call it 'rage loaf'."

Too much cilantro

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

I love Cannelloni

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

Holiday Supplies

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"Please don't kill me."

The dress uniform of the Catering Corps

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

"When it comes to turkeys, Mom, you sure know your stuff-ing."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

The perfect man