Church Supper Scheduler Pillows

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Midwest Winter Items.

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'Is he expecting you?'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

French suppers.

Nativity - The sitcom

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"I have a strong personal commitment to dinner."

Jesus swept.

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

"I hacked in his schedule and I know he's free right now."

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

"I really liked that stuff you were saying about all of us being sinners and how we're damned for eternity."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Guess Where Your Dinner Is?

'Technically, you do qualify for five weeks of vacation, but your request for 35 Sundays off has to go under review.'

'How can you be so cheap?'

Today's Sermon: Are You Praying Or Just Looking At Your Phones?

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

"Jesus, walking on top of the water does not count as a bath."

'Reverend, my husband didn't make it to church today. Could I have a list of the sins you mentioned in your sermon?'