Church Supper Pillows

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Church Basement Foodie

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

How's my sermon. . .

Midwest Winter Items.

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

Nativity - The sitcom

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

French suppers.

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

How's my Sermon . . .

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

Jesus swept.

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"