Church Skipper Gifts

'Something tell me we should have been in church this Sunday.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

Rock - see you in a million years!

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

"You're going to have to repeat the class for the third time because you miss so much during your Friday strikes...What's going to become of you?"

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

Sleeping through new year celebrations

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

Crime Prevention Seminar

'What type of line are you using?'

Sailing

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'