Chapter Skipper Gifts

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'Now that the clocks have changed you can use that extra hour that you can't spend in the garden decorating the kitchen'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

Crime Prevention Seminar

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'