School Skipper Gifts

'Welcome to Parent Teachers Night. Now sit up straight and be quiet or there'll be a detention or two!'

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'Billy can't come to school because he has a stomach ache? Wow!'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

"You can't go fishing when you doge school…because you can't take the fish home."

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

'I don't feel THAT bad right now, but if I work at it, I figure I can feel sick enough to miss school on Monday.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

"My teacher rang to say that I missed school today? Well, not much!"

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'I spent my summer vacation NOT doing boring writing assignments.'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

As the horrible signs began to appear, students would go to any length to avoid seeing them.

"You're going to have to repeat the class for the third time because you miss so much during your Friday strikes...What's going to become of you?"

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

Who...what...why...when...where...whatever...

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!