Conversation Skipper Gifts

'Can't we skip the chit-chat and just drink?'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

Sailing

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

'Then that's one child's plate, one special, and one anything-as-long-as-I-don't-have-to-cook-it.'

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

Young against old

Beach Bouncer

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

Inexplicably Sharon was not interested in a second date.

"Despite the emotion in their conversation, there seems to be a language barrier between them."

'Could you change the channel? This program even put the bird to sleep.'

"Didn't I send you out for some fish nets?"

"With your kind permission, I've taken the liberty of putting Marvin on 'mute'."