Line Skipper Gifts

"The food was awful, but we got right in."

Rock - see you in a million years!

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

'Now that the clocks have changed you can use that extra hour that you can't spend in the garden decorating the kitchen'

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

'He always trains until the very last minute.'

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

New York Sightseeing Cruises

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

'What type of line are you using?'

Sailing

"Lawyers and rats fleeing the ship; that can't be good."

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

Young against old

Beach Bouncer

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

'My folks are away and I have the ship. What do you say we go out and do some crop circles?'