Season Skipper Gifts

'Now that the clocks have changed you can use that extra hour that you can't spend in the garden decorating the kitchen'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"How?"

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

Who...what...why...when...where...whatever...

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

Crime Prevention Seminar

'The swabbie's chantey was unwelcomed on the birdfarm.'

'What type of line are you using?'

Sailing

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

Person shovelling snow remembering the past

"Lawyers and rats fleeing the ship; that can't be good."

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

"We call it that because Pastor Dave is always aware of kick-off time."

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

In the supermarket