Headline Skipper Gifts

'I started to read the headline but then my mind wandered.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

Sleeping through new year celebrations

'Now that the clocks have changed you can use that extra hour that you can't spend in the garden decorating the kitchen'

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

New York Sightseeing Cruises

'The swabbie's chantey was unwelcomed on the birdfarm.'

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

'What type of line are you using?'

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

"Lawyers and rats fleeing the ship; that can't be good."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

In the supermarket

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

"Didn't I send you out for some fish nets?"

"I'm skipping 'Happy Hour,' Carl—it's Friday night—zen tennis clinic at the shul."

"The food was awful, but we got right in."

'Could you change the channel? This program even put the bird to sleep.'

"I don't have time for breakfast..."

"I'd like to welcome you all to the procrastinators club. I move we defer the reading of the minutes of the last meeting until our next meeting...which has been postponed!"