Church Rocker Gifts

Bishop rocking in his church.

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Eucharist

Speaking words of wisdom, letter B

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

Four Chanting Monks

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

How's my Sermon . . .