Church Outings Pillows

Mt. Moriah Church Senior Citizens

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

The Zoo.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Duck Hunt

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

Early Piety

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

At the market

"Boy, that's what I call a maze."

'I think I'll take her to the zoo today.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Priest

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'This is my kind of place. You knock bottles off a table with a baseball and get a prize instead of time-out!'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"I told him we needed more string."

'Doorbell. Must be the sitter.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'