Visiting Churches Pillows

The tomb of Edward the Helpful

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Early Piety

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Verger Works

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

R.C.I.A.

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

God is for life not just for Christmas.

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

Finger puppets in church.

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'I'm falling in love with Eddie... he has the most beautiful biggest organ ever!'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."