Church Visits Pillows

"I totally forgot why I came in here."

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'Let us pray...'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Verger Works

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'