Church Visits Pillows

"I totally forgot why I came in here."

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Early Piety

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Verger Works

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Let us pray...'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

How's my sermon. . .