Church Administrator Gifts

Vatican Car Park - Staff Parking Only

'The pipe organ costs a hundred and ten thousand. Four music stands for Ed's Gospel Quartet, eighty five fifty. Discussion.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

Church Events. Naming Rites. Next time you post the upcoming christenings please don't refer to them as "naming rites."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"The turnstile will help count attendance and raise the offering."

'To date, our building fund has received one donation: a Lego set from our Sunday School.'

'The big man has quite...changes of administration make me nervous...'

Fire and Brimstone.

Sunday service 9:00am - Collections 9:10am, 9:20am, 9:30am, 9:40am and 9:50am.

'Hello, Al's Office Supply? While I admire your gumption, I'm afraid these offering envelopes are too big.'

Man to Pastor: 'So, do the ushers come after me if I'm guilty of tithe evasion?'

'Inflation hits Saint Thomas's'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'The buck stops here'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Basketball Hoop on the Suggestion Box

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone Resigns.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

Nun Binning the Devil

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

CCTV in church.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."