Chuck Norris Fan Gifts

"So would Chuck Norris be impressed with my kick or mad about the bag?!"

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"Now you can send it."

Jumping cheerleaders

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

Loch Ness Beer Monster

Monster Baseball

'We may not agree on the stock market, but we're both Chicago fans.'

Arabian island

"We're mythical. Have fun with it."

"Your eels are enormous - where do you get them?"

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

"I found a portal to another world. I found peril and adventure, and the courage to survive. But, no, I didn't find the remote."

New to podcasts? Choose a genre!

'No way can I guard this guy! He's playing like he's possessed!'

'Heaven...Hell...Who cares? You're Jim Morrison.'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

'My car has been tipped over and rammed repeatedly. You don't know anything about this, do you Carl?

"And the endorsement deals I get for kid's merchandise is cra-azy!"

"I think Maurice has gone feral."

'Which piece are you going to play?' - 'The Minute Waltz' - '1 minute 9 seconds. Fail.' - 'Damn you, Chopin!'

Zoo. Rhino. Why should the rhino be nearsighted? Think about it … With good vision, would they be likely to reproduce?

"So...you have a boyfriend?"

"I don't need a bag. I have a trunk."

Unicorn with a drooping horn.

"I'm beginning to think he doesn't want to go back to civilization."

There is bliss. And then there is pure bliss.

"The ambient nature sounds are making me too sleepy to hunt."

RIP Tommy Brown, Northern club comedian, famous catchphrase "You can't beat a good fry-up."

'This is Man Tuesday.. He changed his name by deed poll.'

A northern cow

"All I'm saying is the ark would have been a lot more fun if we had brought dates."

'Robots helping seniors.'