Chuck Norris Fan Gifts

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now you can send it."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

Jumping cheerleaders

"He never passes by without a mischievous smile."

Loch Ness Beer Monster

Monster Baseball

Arabian island

"We're mythical. Have fun with it."

"Your eels are enormous - where do you get them?"

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

"I found a portal to another world. I found peril and adventure, and the courage to survive. But, no, I didn't find the remote."

New to podcasts? Choose a genre!

'No way can I guard this guy! He's playing like he's possessed!'

'If I was any more relaxed, I could host a NPR program.'

'My car has been tipped over and rammed repeatedly. You don't know anything about this, do you Carl?

"And the endorsement deals I get for kid's merchandise is cra-azy!"

"I think Maurice has gone feral."

'Which piece are you going to play?' - 'The Minute Waltz' - '1 minute 9 seconds. Fail.' - 'Damn you, Chopin!'

"So...you have a boyfriend?"

"I don't need a bag. I have a trunk."

Unicorn with a drooping horn.

There is bliss. And then there is pure bliss.

"I'm beginning to think he doesn't want to go back to civilization."

"The ambient nature sounds are making me too sleepy to hunt."

A northern cow

RIP Tommy Brown, Northern club comedian, famous catchphrase "You can't beat a good fry-up."

'This is Man Tuesday.. He changed his name by deed poll.'

"All I'm saying is the ark would have been a lot more fun if we had brought dates."

'Robots helping seniors.'

"Mom, Dad, you've never believed in me! How come nobody believes in me?"