Chronicle Collector Gifts

Frontispiece to the second volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

The New World Order

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

Who's Dead

"I wonder what this was for."

Horace Greeley's Storm Battered Coat and Hat

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'More pictures of your kids. Wow, they've really grown since yesterday.'

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'How old is this vase?'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'I've been knocking for ages!'

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

NY Tribune Joins NY Herald on Hobby Horse of Anti-Grant Editorials

'To you, fifty quid - c'mon guv, it's HANDMADE!'