Chronicle Chucklers Gifts

"I don't know. I just don't think this 'bowling' thing will work."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'I wish you'd stay focused Simpson!'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

"There's only one of them roaming around now. The others are in self-isolation."

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"