Christmas Tale Twister T-Shirts

"...and I'm saying we would've been here a lot quicker if we had used the SatNav rather than follow that stupid star."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Curtsey

The Cricketer and the Golfer

Hanukkah tree

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Jack and the Beanstalk.

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

Elevator choices: Up, Down, Different Narrative.

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

'He's calling Running Bear on his mobile.'

'I can't seem to find the 'surprise' ending.'

"I agree, Glenn. The first sentence needs to hook the reader."

"I never lie to my parents, but sometimes we do interpret event differently."

"It's the grisly story of the brutal murder of a publisher who rejected a brilliant novel about the brutal murder of a publisher who..."