Christmas Tale Twister Gifts

"...and I'm saying we would've been here a lot quicker if we had used the SatNav rather than follow that stupid star."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

Curtsey

The Cricketer and the Golfer

I'm a songbird. He's my lyricist.

Hanukkah tree

Jack and the Beanstalk.

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"No bouquet toss for this bride. She's shooting it out of a cannon."

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"Architectural Digest calls it 'Twilight chic.'"

"No, wait. What if the cop character is the murderer, and the mobster guy is completely innocent?"

"Well, I was under oath, so I couldn't lie outright, but I'm a weasel of course, so I have a way with words..."

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

Elevator choices: Up, Down, Different Narrative.

"Nothing wrong with half-truths...you still have 50% to manipulate."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"It's structured as a set of two parallel stories that no one would ever want to read."

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

'I can't seem to find the 'surprise' ending.'

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

'He's calling Running Bear on his mobile.'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

"I agree, Glenn. The first sentence needs to hook the reader."

"I never lie to my parents, but sometimes we do interpret event differently."