Christmas Shopping Gifts

How the gift registry should really work

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

'Only 4 minutes to Christmas'

'I hope you like it. I got the last one. . . Pepper spray. I had to fight off an older couple for it. They went down like a sack of dirt.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

The First Christmas Sale Race.

30% off all Xmas trees.

"It'll be more interesting if we buy gifts after having more to drink."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"Mom said to watch you if you were shopping online."

'Do you think it's too early for Christmas shopping?'

"You don't know anything about electronics, do you?"

Human Cull: People who tell you they finished their Christmas shopping in October.

"When do we get to the part where we figure out how many shopping days left until Christmas?"

'I don't want Andrea to think I just clocked a button.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Killer Executive Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Handbag store - "Perfect."