Christmas Gift For A Nurse Pillows

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Daughters on the beach

"That'll be five bucks."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I might just get a pie."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Mouse returns home from work.

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Ticket and passport, please."

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Baby Bear.

'Hang on a minute...'

Loopholes

'I think you'll get a kick out of our 'haunted' MRI, Mrs. Hanratty.'

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

Snake Charming

"He thinks it's the weather channel."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'That's strange, all the monitors are going crazy again!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Who's the new guy?"

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

Cannibal recipes.