Christmas Comedienne Gifts

"You're only supposed to leave him one glass of sherry!"

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

Hip hop Santa.

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

If you ask me, pets shouldn't be allowed in the House of Commons...

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

'Santas Ponzi Scheme'

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

'Never mind the price, what the hell is myrhh?'

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

About Santa 2017.

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

"Has your husband been exposed to Christmas at all?"

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

Santa's Nightmares

Three Wise Women: 'Then at about six weeks or so you can probably expect a touch of colic...'

Santa emergency stop.

Free Chimney Cleaning.

Hand emerges from King Arthur's xmas pudding with a coin.

Men/Women/Santa.

Santa picks out a suitable light bulb for Rudolph's nose.

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

"Oh, yes, I've been good...relatively speaking!"