Christmas Chaos Comedian Gifts

The Many Happy Returns Department

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

'George! This way quick!'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

Hip hop Santa.

"Maybe this year..."

"I hope that wish list you just sent to Santa wasn't too big." "Our server just crashed!"

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

It must be December again -- I just had a vision of sugarplums.

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

'Sunday in the park'

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

'Big Issue!'

Santa's Nightmares

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.