Christmas Chaos Comedian Gifts

The Many Happy Returns Department

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'George! This way quick!'

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

'That's right Bill, I caught the Gingerbread Man...'

"I hope that wish list you just sent to Santa wasn't too big." "Our server just crashed!"

Hip hop Santa.

"Maybe this year..."

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'Sunday in the park'

A group of ladies fearful to leave their cab as the cabman has mistletoe on his hat

"Did someone just shout 'sinkhole!!!'?"

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

The insurance giants do battle, ironically costing their own companies billions of dollars in claims,

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

'Number two - can you say: 'Screw the milk and cookies...where's the VCR?' In a cheerful, jolly voice?'

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

Santa's Nightmares

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."