Christmas Carol Fan Pillows

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.

Baaaa....humbug.

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

"It's time we have a little chat."

"I'm the ghost of christmas past due."

"I'm afraid all that pa-rum-pum-pum-pum has given you tinnitus."

On the fifth day of Christmas...

Ghost of Happy Holidays Future

The ghosts of christmas past and future rolled into one.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"Yes, we voted remain - how did you guess?"

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"There's gotta be a way to make money off this."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

Santa's wash day.

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

'My - I don't remember my second-grade Christmas play dealing with post-holiday depression.'

Phil gets a head start on his holiday decorating.

"Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes..."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Well I don't know how they fly when I can't!"

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"I love Boxing Day"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

Rudolph's after-Christmas job

Four calling birds...three French hens...two turtle doves... This is my favourite part.

"Our lawyers are adept at spotting dodgy clauses.."

"It suddenly occurred to me - what was all this giving, giving, giving all the time?! How about doing some taking for a change?"

'I'm glad that's over! After the last six weeks in the store, I'm never gonna have any kids!'

While Shepherds watched their flocks by night

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge.