Christmas Carol Appreciator Pillows

"I don't really like Christmas." "Oh, be quiet. Have a pear."

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

Violin family at Christmas

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

'Ach, Herr Scrooge - ghost of this, ghost of that...serious delusions.'

"Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes..."

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'Oh, it wasn't glossolalia -- he just gets tongue-tied when he preaches about sex and marriage.'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

Four calling birds...three French hens...two turtle doves... This is my favourite part.

'Today's Sermon: Good Cholestrol Vs. Bad Cholestrol'

"...to save us all from Satan's power..."

"Jesus changed the water into wine and everyone drove home responsibly."

"That's the trouble with costume drama - so easy to foul up."

Let's stick to 'No room at the inn' and leave out 'Have you tried the internet?'

Santa's elevator

"I was good. Why is Santa punishing me?"

Baaaa....humbug.

"I'm the ghost of christmas past due."

"It's time we have a little chat."

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge.

"Because he didn't even change your name. That's how I know he was talking about you."

'There's something different about the vicar, He seems louder,'

'Global warming is God's way of giving you sinners a preview of HELL!'

Christmas-Plex

Rum Pah Pum Pum!

Warning: No Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. By Order of the Health and Safety Executive.