Christmas Carnivore Gifts

Dec. 26

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Gazelle's pizza! Delivered fast and delicious... Um, you guys aren't interested in pizza are you!?"

'This year I'm deliverying everything FedEx!'

'The Easter Bunny has started outsourcing to us.'

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

TV Interactive panto - Remote control buttons: Oh yes it is - Oh no it isn't.

A butcher and his apprentice.

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

"Namasteak"

'White meat or dark?'

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"Steak for breakfast, steak for lunch, steak for dinner. . . you can't stop evolution!"

Poinsettia

Christmas was the one time of year when Roger could take advantage of working in the genetic research laboratory.

Scientists Discover the Gene for Heterosexuality in Men

"So who gets the rib eye and who gets the salad?"

Dr Atkins on a date: 'Why does he keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat?'

'Not at all, Mr. Porker, we already have several pigs working in our company cafeteria.'

We'll have whatever they are

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.

'Eat my vegetables? - I thought we were supposed to be predators!'

"I don't mind being butchered. But I can't stand the thought of my legs going in one box, my breast in another, my wings in another. . ."

Due to company cutbacks please only photocopy one buttock.

The good and bad news for the species is we have less fat than beef.

"But if we add to Santa's cholesterol we could be ruining him for future generations."

'After that 24 hour beer and fruit cake binge, you need a radical detox!'

"The media says there's a war on Christmas, and St. Nick isn't in the business of losing wars."

'It mightn't be HD, but it's Christmassy!'

One day in December...

Gift-Givers Cheese Block

'I'm afraid we'll have to get a Santa who can remember his lines'