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"One of you will betray me."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Giving Things Up For Lent.

How's my sermon. . .

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"...and in conclusion..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

'Even More Disciples'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

Bishops Snooker

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"That's my boy!"

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

'I appreciate you enthusiasm...but please stop doing the Wave.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

"You have a divine right - and the left isn't bad either."

"Oooh! What's he gonna do now?!"

"Yo! You check the pH lately? I have sensitive eyes, ya know."